Ramneek’s 1st Guest Feature
Woodshed has hot dogs?
Woodshed Burgers
2307 Ellwood Drive SW
"You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds!" - Jonah Hill in Superbad.
In the early 2000s, I had this terrible friend, and his sister would refuse to eat hot dogs because she felt they were shaped like dicks. She was an idiot.
Like, come on, you're eating your mom's curries that smell like a fucking zombie plague; however, hot dogs are beneath you because they resemble dicks? Talk about prudish and stupid shit. And she resorted to an arranged marriage, meaning she had to see a stranger's dick on her nuptial night. Is there anything creepier than seeing a stranger's dick?
I've been eating hot dogs for three decades and rarely think about dicks when I eat them. Sometimes, dicks will enter my mind, but they never kill my appetite. It's just male genitalia - a regular part of life. Why would I let it ruin my affinity for hot dogs?
If you're like my former's friend's sister - that is, if you're stupid enough to let penis fantasies prevent you from entering the magical world of hot dogs - I've got a solution for you: split the wiener in half, like John Wayne Bobbit's dick.
And then, drown the tallywacker's insides with premium toppings, including bacon bits, banana peppers, and nacho cheese sauce, obscuring the phallic imagery. Woodshed Burgers does this with their glorious Real Deal Whistle Dog, consisting of a tumescent jalapeño cheddar smokie with more length than a virile Ron Jeremy.
Unfortunately, Woodshed uses a Bon Ton Bakery bun that struggles to maintain the toppings, prematurely collapsing into a soggy mess. But the poor structural integrity isn't an issue because the bun plays a tertiary character, supporting the other delicious ingredients, and doesn't prevent the Whistle Dog from rising to the occasion, like the Big Valbowski.
My Rating: 4.20/5
This was written by my good friend Ramneek. He doesn’t mince words either. He’ll be contributing from time to time. Feel free to give his Facebook group a follow where you can argue about Jollibee’s.
